Salam. Hi.
Had a talk with Ibu today, she asked me if I dont have a boyfriend yet,
told her no and she said that she's worried. Told her that many of my friends are facing the same case as me- boyfriendless since forever, only then she said her heart is settled a bit.
Obviously, I was slightly hurt from her comments but that's Ibu for you. She doesnt really care- she just say what she feels like saying. I don't blame her for that though.
Because as harsh as it may sound, let's face it- its the truth.
the single damn truth.
no one wants me
I know that. I'm already 19 and not even a shadow ofmy prince someone in sight. But i still have hope. Hope that The One up there is waiting for the right moment to have that someone to step into my life and be my everything. I believe that He is giving me the best option out there. That he'll come around someday near the future. I know Ibu is worried because she married Ayah early, she was 21. Basically, I only have 2 years to find someone.
Problem is, I don't feel like finding someone. I'm too lazy to go through the hassle. I just want Him to throw someone at me, make Istikharah, and if he's the one, marry him. Unfortunately I can't simply do that. It needs effort. It needs time. It needs hard work. And I.... don't have the heart to do that.
Or maybe because there's already someone's name engraved in my heart.
For a long time.. For a long, long time.....
Has it been 3 years? or 4? or 5?
I don't know. I've lost track of time.
Someone whom I can't call mine.
Someone whom I can't show off to people.
Someone whom I like, but probably doesn't like me back.
Someone who makes me smile, but confusing as hell.
Someone who makes my heart flutters, but maybe I'm not good enough for him.
He's the one that got away.
And I let him go.
How ever I try to forget him, my heart still beats faster, still flutters everytime I saw him anywhere.
No matter how hard I try to forget him, my mind will always wonder to what could have been.
As much as I try to forget him, my whole body just cannot resist and forget him.
I did ask for help from Him, asking Him to help me to forget him if he's not the one, if he's not meant for me, if he's not the best for me.
Whenever I ask for help, I keep on thinking about him, waiting for him.
So I stopped asking for help, because I'm so tired of thinking of him. When he cared so little about me.
And now I'm clueless. I don't know what to do. How can I open up my heart to someone else when there's already someone who owns it unwillingly?
MY LOVE LIFE SUCKS.
Had a talk with Ibu today, she asked me if I dont have a boyfriend yet,
told her no and she said that she's worried. Told her that many of my friends are facing the same case as me- boyfriendless since forever, only then she said her heart is settled a bit.
Obviously, I was slightly hurt from her comments but that's Ibu for you. She doesnt really care- she just say what she feels like saying. I don't blame her for that though.
Because as harsh as it may sound, let's face it- its the truth.
the single damn truth.
no one wants me
I know that. I'm already 19 and not even a shadow of
Problem is, I don't feel like finding someone. I'm too lazy to go through the hassle. I just want Him to throw someone at me, make Istikharah, and if he's the one, marry him. Unfortunately I can't simply do that. It needs effort. It needs time. It needs hard work. And I.... don't have the heart to do that.
Or maybe because there's already someone's name engraved in my heart.
For a long time.. For a long, long time.....
Has it been 3 years? or 4? or 5?
I don't know. I've lost track of time.
Someone whom I can't call mine.
Someone whom I can't show off to people.
Someone whom I like, but probably doesn't like me back.
Someone who makes me smile, but confusing as hell.
Someone who makes my heart flutters, but maybe I'm not good enough for him.
He's the one that got away.
And I let him go.
How ever I try to forget him, my heart still beats faster, still flutters everytime I saw him anywhere.
No matter how hard I try to forget him, my mind will always wonder to what could have been.
As much as I try to forget him, my whole body just cannot resist and forget him.
I did ask for help from Him, asking Him to help me to forget him if he's not the one, if he's not meant for me, if he's not the best for me.
Whenever I ask for help, I keep on thinking about him, waiting for him.
So I stopped asking for help, because I'm so tired of thinking of him. When he cared so little about me.
And now I'm clueless. I don't know what to do. How can I open up my heart to someone else when there's already someone who owns it unwillingly?
MY LOVE LIFE SUCKS.
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